By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
