He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize