If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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