I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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