idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Alive.
So much puke
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
