GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
