YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
