What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
