and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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