pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
