We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
