He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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