In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
