we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize