oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
