We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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