There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize