Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
