my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
