my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
