so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
