Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
