Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
