The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
