thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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