She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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