Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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