we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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