If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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