My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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