Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Even my vagina gasped.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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