I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
