for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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