apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
organizing the empties. That sober.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
