we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
