i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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