You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
