Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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