What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
