some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I will pee on everything he values.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
