She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
