Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
