if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
