did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
