I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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