1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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