Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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