I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
