I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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