i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
