last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
