she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
