I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
