Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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