I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
