so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
