I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
