if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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