She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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