I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
