Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
