Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
