just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize