I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
