Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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