wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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