so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
