just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
