think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
