All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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