What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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