i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
