Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize