Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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