New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
