you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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