Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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