I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
