My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize