I wish my penis had an off switch
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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