If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
