the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
