I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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