I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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