So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
